I wish I could say that as a coach I always set goals, develop a plan, work the plan and achieve the success I desire. The truth is that is not the case. As the age-old saying goes, the cobbler’s kids have no shoes. I guess I could beat myself up about it, but I imagine this fact only makes me more human and has me better understand the challenges my clients face.
However, during the past 14 years that I have been coaching, I have found something that is more frustrating, more crushing, more defeating than not successfully accomplishing a goal . . . . . . . living your life in purgatory.
In my work, I consider purgatory a state of being where there is no commitment. It is a place where the client cannot commit to either A or B, and as a result, they just float somewhere in the middle, making little or no progress in their life. There is no doubt that this state of being is the most frustrating state that exists. It is more frustrating than committing to a certain path and finding it is the wrong direction or choosing a path and failing to achieve the desired goal. At least in the latter two, a choice was made and something was learned.
A life spent in purgatory gets stale very quickly, which is why I often encourage clients who are stuck there to make a decision – ANY decision – and not worry about whether it is right or wrong. When stuck in purgatory, the first and most important step is to break free of inertia. Once that is done and momentum exists, then you can adjust the course.
If you are stuck in purgatory in any area of your life, don’t let the fear of making a wrong decision keep you there. The important action is to take a step. Any step. And then adjust your course from there. The freedom you will feel in the movement will be invigorating!
Don’t be afraid to backtrack in life. It gives you the opportunity to see what you missed while you had your back to the world.
– Rich Largman
We were not meant to live in purgatory. Those moments in life are simply tests to help us determine what we truly desire in our lives. The trick to getting out of purgatory and any suffering we may experience is to make a choice. And do not let the fear of making a choice stop you. A “wrong” choice gets you closer to what you desire than no choice at all.
And to help inspire you, here is a clip of one of the coolest choices ever made in movies.
Rich Largman
Empire of Hope 
Rich – how refreshing to hear your words of wisdom once again. Haven’t talked to you in years, and it’s so good to ‘see’ you and how well you’re doing! This post has left me wanting more, so off I go to explore more on your site :>
I came across this by chance (or was it?) when googling living a life in purgatory. That’s what I say to many friends about where I am in life at the moment, sooner or later one of them is going to ask me what I mean by that and when they do I plan to show them this. THIS is exactly what I mean about what its like to live in purgatory, this touched my soul when I read it. Unfortunately for myself my choices are somewhat in the hands of someone else. I am 31 and would like to get married and start a family, my partner not so much yet. My choices rely on his decisions and co-operation and therefore until he is ready I feel like my hands are tied behind my back. Whilst I await the things I look forward to I shall just continue to live in purgatory hoping for the outcome that I desire, if it even happens at all. **sigh**
Miss Kitty…..Relationships are, by nature, long journeys of discovery. Often we find someone we want to travel with and wait for them to join us on our road. But in waiting a danger there is, of losing who we are.
michaelb@moscowmail.com
Hi Richard I heard beautiful things about you and your work.As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.
from Lisbon Portugal
DL
It’s funny how God sends us a message when we need it most. I spoke to you maybe a year ago about not knowing where I wanted to go with my life when my youngest child left for college. Since then I’ve been trying to open myself up to new experiences. I was accepted onto the board of a group at church that deals with homelessness. It’s ok but maybe not enough hands on for me…mostly fundraising. I tried volunteering for the Medical Reserve Corp but they don’t do much although they started to have more training opportunities but my excitement for that has fizzled.
Most recently I took on a second job at a business school teaching pharmacy technicians. I’m also a pharmacist part time at a local hospital. The teaching job is 2 classes 2 days a week. Today I felt so overwhelmed with class preparations as the end of the semester is quickly approaching and I’m a little behind.
I read your email…. Two years ago I was in purgatory as you say… I may feel overwhelmed at times with the prep work involved in teaching but in general I like it. I’m sure it will be better the second time I teach the classes as I can tweak what I already have done. This may not be my ideal job and I may or may not continue but I am so glad that I took the leap to try it. I have to give it a fair trial. I’ve always thought I’d like to be a teacher.
Your email made me think that I’m glad I’m not in the position I was 2 years ago. I felt terrible. I feel like I have a long way to go to figure what I truly desire but at least I’ve taken a couple steps on my way there. Keep the newsletters coming!
“Don’t be afraid to backtrack in life. It gives you the opportunity to see what you missed while you had your back to the world”. – Rich Largman
These words are just what I needed to hear. I am new to blogging . s I pondered over what to write about, the word ‘purgatory’ came to my mind – I googled the word and came across your blog! I’m hoping to blog my way out of purgatory and back into life and your quote above has encouraged me, as before I can get going…I need to share how it is I came to find myself in this in between space – but this was my limiting factor – did I really want to re-hash the past? Time to let go of the fear of sharing and just get on with the task! Bonus that you just happen to have a Matrix clip on this page! Each time I watch this movie I hang of every word….especially since I am healing from an Environmental Illness….that has shaken my faith in humanity just a little (A lot!!)
Hi Adrienne – My heart is always lifted when I hear that something on the Empire of Hope has helped someone in the world. Thank you for taking the time to write and let me know about your new journey. I wish you all the best a you begin this adventure and trust that you will not in in purgatory for much longer once you set your intention and take action. At that point, the inertia will be broken and you will feel new and hopeful movement in your life!
Just came across this, thank you for your thoughts. I have been let go from my current position, but still need to show up to work the next two months….a form of involuntary purgatory, if you will. How would you suggest that one waits or makes decisions through his period? Would appreciate any insight.
Hi Heidi! I am glad this post found you at the perfect time . . . as all things seem to do in the Universe. And thanks for your question. I will send you an email with some of my thoughts. — Rich