When I work with clients, at some point during our work together I will ask them what their goals are or what they believe gets in the way of them accomplishing their goals. It is not unusual for their first response to be, “I don’t know.”
These are the three most disempowering words in the English language!
When my clients respond with these words, without fail, I will challenge them and suggest that they actually do know and the only reason they are saying they don’t is so that they don’t have to do anything. Their response allows them to hang out in a nebulous cloud of uncertainty.
But the truth is, “I don’t know” is nothing more than a smokescreen that allows people to stay stuck and not move forward. It gives them an excuse to pretend they don’t know what to do or what they truly want. It is a way of keeping them safe in their comfort zone.
I believe the reason we do this is because in reality, we humans are amazing beings! Deep down we actually know that we are capable of accomplishing whatever we set our minds to. And I think we are afraid of that. Once we declare what we want, we almost always achieve it! I have seen this proven over and over again for the past 15 years by my clients.
The trick, of course, is knowing what we want. Once we identify what we want and declare our goals, we begin to move toward them and achieve success. It’s just who we are and how we are built. And it is AWESOME!!
So stop pretending that you don’t know what you want in your life or business. If you don’t know, or you pretend not to know, that opens the door for one of 2 things to happen, neither of which you will be happy with.
- You will stay stuck and your frustration will grow.
- Someone else will define for you what you want.
Thankfully, as always, the solution here is not rocket science. Simply take some time to sit by yourself, quiet the mind, be honest with yourself, turn off any “voice in your head” that might be influencing you – other than your own – and answer these questions:
- What do you REALLY want?
- What will make you happy/smile?
- If you knew you or your team could not fail, what would you do?
Believe it or not, it is that simple.
If you don’t run your life, someone else will.
– Anonymous
Pretending you don’t know what you want, or not taking the time to find out, is a surefire recipe for frustration in your life. There are enough obstacles in life that will inhibit you from having what you desire. No need for you to be one of those obstacles.
The good news is that if you find yourself to be an obstacle, it is the one you have the greatest control over removing from your path to success.
(Stay tuned! Next month I will share the 3 Most Powerful Words in the English language!)
Rich Largman
Empire of Hope 
I enjoy your blogs. Every one of them gets me thinking! I have found myself saying “I don’t know” because I am hiding from saying out loud what I really do know I want. Can’t wait for the next one!!
Thanks Conlee!! Believe me, I couldn’t have written this blog if I didn’t experience this in my own life. Yet it always amazes me that once I take the time to figure out what I do want, it usually shows up very soon in my life. So, what do you want most right now?
Very good points Rich. I don’t think I’ve had a client say they don’t know where they want to be, but what I do run into is clients shooting very very low. Probably from the same reasons you quote.
No matter what a client says he wants. usually he can’t quantify, or if he can it’s not a really big step. So whatever a client tells me he wants, and we quantify that, I’ll ask him. OK, tell me, why not 2 times, 5 times, or even 100 times that?
That’s when you’ll find out that they are afraid to reach, claim they don’t have time to go that far, or don’t have the money to go that far.
My next question is, “So, if you could have exactly what you want, but 100 times that . . . while not having to work as hard, or to spend as much money as you do now . . . what would that do for you? And would that change your answer about this?”
I believe that a coach’s job is to take clients places they don’t dare to even dream of reaching, at least before they met that coach.
I agree Alan. As coaches, our job is to show the client the possibility of their full potential and then help them design a plan to achieve it. They often can not see it for themselves . . . but they can feel it. Even if it is just a whisper from somewhere deep within them. By helping them connect with that feeling and grow it into a reality, we light the path for their infinite possibility and happiness.