It Takes One to Tango

I was honored to write the following for my colleague Susan Mazza’s website, Random Acts of Leadership, one of the top leadership blogs on the Internet.

 
 

There is one mindset that is absolutely paralyzing to individuals and organizations alike.

 

It is one that creates a victim mentality of helplessness among individuals and steals leadership power from organizations.

 

It is the “they/their/them” mindset.

• “They” better do something.
• It is “their” fault.
• It is up to “them.”

 

Thankfully I discovered the panacea to this horrendous malady impacting our organizations today.

 

Simply put, it takes one to tango.

 

I know that goes against conventional wisdom and that well known cliché, but I have seen its powerful truth demonstrated in my own life.

 

Many years ago I decided I wanted a closer, more demonstrative relationship with my brother and Dad. I know we loved each other, but we didn’t say or show it often. Let’s face it, we were typical guys.

 

No longer satisfied with this kind of relationship with the men I love and cherish deeply, I decided that every time I saw my Dad or brother I would greet them with a hug. And every time I said good-bye, I would give them a hug and tell them I love them. I was not attached to the outcome. And I was not attached to whether or not they reciprocated. This was something that I wanted to do that was important to me.

 

As you can imagine, in the beginning of this little game things were a bit awkward. When I hugged my brother he would make funny faces, resist a bit, and wonder what the hell I was doing. My Dad didn’t resist, but he also didn’t reciprocate. Hugging both of them was a bit like hugging a fish. In these initial stages, it felt more like I was doing something to them. But that was OK. I was committed to my action and the communication of my love for them.

 

This went on for many, many months. I honestly don’t recall how long, but it was quite a while.

 

Then magic happened. I will never forget either of these unbelievable days for the rest of my life.

 

One day as I was leaving my Dad’s house I was preoccupied with where I needed to be next. I said good-bye to my Dad and turned to walk to my car without practicing my usual ritual of hugging. From behind me as I walked away I heard my Dad say, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” I turned around to see my Dad’s arms spread as wide as an eagle’s, waiting to envelop me in a huge hug.

 

Best. Hug. Ever!!!

 

Some time after that, I was driving my brother to the airport as he was leaving to go on a trip for the US Fencing team. As usual, I drove him to the door where his airline was located, wished him a good trip and waited for him to grab his bags out of the back seat of the car. I nearly fainted when he said, “Hold on, I want to give you a hug.” I still tear up thinking about that moment. It was a huge breakthrough in our relationship as brothers and made us ever closer.

 

The lesson I learned from this little experiment was that when it comes to leadership, changing behaviors and transforming our relationships, contrary to the familiar saying . . . it actually takes just one to tango.

 

Let him that would move the world, first move himself.

– Socrates

 

All too often when we desire change in our lives we wait for others to initiate it and lead. Or maybe we pray for a miracle and hope that the change will magically happen. While I am all for miracles, this approach steals from us one of the most amazing superpowers we humans possess — the ability to manifest our desires.

 

In the 20 years that I have been involved with coaching and business acceleration, I have witnessed countless examples of people proving that we can indeed create just about any change we desire. And it isn’t really that difficult. It starts as a desire in our heart, moves to a thought and plan, transforms into action, and then almost without fail turns into results.

 

There is no need to make it more difficult than that. Adding anything else just complicates the process and clouds the results.

 

READ HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUR BUSINESS here.

 

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For This, Be Thankful

I don’t know about you, but this time of year I take the word Thanksgiving literally. I am more grateful for all I have in the world. I silently send thanks to someone for who they are in my life. I am forever grateful for all my possessions, as simple as they may be. And I stop to acknowledge the truly amazing machine my body is and the fact that it keeps going with every breath.

 

In the presence of all this gratitude, I found myself thinking about my Dad and his “buddies” – all over 80 years old. Among them, they had 345 years of experience on this planet. With their fantastic perspective, I wondered what wisdom they had to share about life and gratitude.

 

So I set up a lunch with all of them to hear the wisdom of the ages.

 

I should have known better. 🙂

 

Not surprisingly, the conversation did not go as planned, but I was surprised . . . and touched . . . by what emerged.

 

The conversation turned into a LOVEfest! Each one of them acknowledged and appreciated the others for what they bring to the friendship and the group. More than anything else, they spoke about the strength and importance of the relationships and friendships in their life.

 

They appreciated their families, their kids, their wives, their grandchildren, and each other.

 

Interestingly, their jobs, success, businesses and accomplishments were all secondary to the relationships in their life.

 

While I wasn’t surprised by this wisdom, I let their words really sink into my soul after our conversation. All too often I find my life gets sidetracked or my peace is disturbed by my ego, which is more concerned about my superficial successes or accomplishments.

 

Their lifetime of wisdom strongly suggests otherwise.

 

That one jewel of wisdom – that our relationships, friendships and family are the most important thing in our lives – is worth repeating over and over and over again . . . and perhaps that is the true wisdom of the ages.

 

These are all great men with amazing life stories. But in the end, what matters most is WHO they love, not WHAT they have done.

 

No matter your age, young or old, take a moment this month to hug all those people who mean something to you. It is clear to me that it is the most important and valuable thing you can do in all your life.

 

Rarely do the members of one family grow up under the same roof.

– Richard Bach, Illusions

 

I love the expansiveness of this quote. There is an abundance of love to be received, and given, in the world . . . if only we allow for it. It is always our own heart that gets in the way of either. And that is our challenge as humans.

 

There is another wonderful quote by Rumi that states, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

 

May this year be the year you practice the wisdom of our elders and fully feel the love around you, and give it back to the world tenfold.

 

READ HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOUR BUSINESS here.

 
 
Below is a beautiful video of an incredibly successful campaign that spread love, caring and connected-ness throughout the world. May it inspire you to give someone a hug this Thanksgiving.
 

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