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Posts Tagged ‘Purgatory’

“Live life with no regrets.”

 

God I hate that phrase.

 

If you don’t have any regrets in your life, then you haven’t challenged yourself enough or come across enough situations that really cause you to stop and think long and hard before making a decision.

 

The phrase comes from a perspective of looking back in hindsight and judging our lives. However, until a time machine is invented, we do not have the luxury of hindsight in the present moment. We can’t live in the future in order to help us make a decision in the present. And that is the only place life actually shows up! We can only assess the present moment and make the best decision from there. And I imagine that in that moment, we all make the best decision we possibly can.

 

So why torture yourself with judgment?

 

Don’t put yourself in purgatory; constantly thinking about your choice, judging yourself, and wondering if you made a wrong decision. I just don’t see the value of assessing and reassessing a decision and continually judging ourselves for it. The only result that can produce is a life of unhappiness and uncertainty.

 

Personally, I think regrets emerge in life when we make decisions based in fear. Things we did or didn’t do because we were afraid. I have to believe decisions made from that place will always lead to regret.

 
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I think the true intent of the phrase above is to make a decision; own it; and go forward. If it turns out to be a bad decision. Fine. Make another one. A different one. One that suits you better . . . now. In the new moment.

 

That, in my opinion, is how you live without regrets.

 

In the end, not having regrets is not about the decisions you made, but rather the ability to forgive yourself for the decisions you made and learn from them.

 

This is a great time of year to think of any regrets – and forgive yourself. Forgive others. We are all doing the best we can. Release that energy and allow yourself to move on and start the new year fresh. Otherwise you will forever be stuck in the past, in a life you don’t want.

 

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other path, no other way, no other day but today.”

– Jonathan Larson

 

Living a life of regret is more about living in the past, not being able to forgive yourself, or thinking that your life should be different or look different than it does. Second guessing your life away . . . well, I imagine that is a life where you can rarely find peace.

 

The truth is, we have but 2 choices in our life. Love the life you have . . . or begin taking action to change it. Anything in between will feel like purgatory.

 

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I wish I could say that as a coach I always set goals, develop a plan, work the plan and achieve the success I desire. The truth is that is not the case. As the age-old saying goes, the cobbler’s kids have no shoes. I guess I could beat myself up about it, but I imagine this fact only makes me more human and has me better understand the challenges my clients face.


However, during the past 14 years that I have been coaching, I have found something that is more frustrating, more crushing, more defeating than not successfully accomplishing a goal . . . . . . . living your life in purgatory.


In my work, I consider purgatory a state of being where there is no commitment. It is a place where the client cannot commit to either A or B, and as a result, they just float somewhere in the middle, making little or no progress in their life. There is no doubt that this state of being is the most frustrating state that exists. It is more frustrating than committing to a certain path and finding it is the wrong direction or choosing a path and failing to achieve the desired goal. At least in the latter two, a choice was made and something was learned.


A life spent in purgatory gets stale very quickly, which is why I often encourage clients who are stuck there to make a decision – ANY decision – and not worry about whether it is right or wrong. When stuck in purgatory, the first and most important step is to break free of inertia. Once that is done and momentum exists, then you can adjust the course.


If you are stuck in purgatory in any area of your life, don’t let the fear of making a wrong decision keep you there. The important action is to take a step. Any step. And then adjust your course from there. The freedom you will feel in the movement will be invigorating!


Don’t be afraid to backtrack in life. It gives you the opportunity to see what you missed while you had your back to the world.

                                                               – Rich Largman


We were not meant to live in purgatory. Those moments in life are simply tests to help us determine what we truly desire in our lives. The trick to getting out of purgatory and any suffering we may experience is to make a choice. And do not let the fear of making a choice stop you. A “wrong” choice gets you closer to what you desire than no choice at all.



And to help inspire you, here is a clip of one of the coolest choices ever made in movies.

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